Tuesday, May 3, 2011

I am Good

Dilemma is the prime deterrent in the way of accomplishments. And I am its latest prey. But it does not understand that if I wait any longer, I will have another victim’s blood on my hands. It does not care about it coz its deep roots emanate from thousand years old principles and dogmas of society. And I have had to face the consequences of letting the false truths preached by society to prevail over my beliefs which are purely rational.
The thing is; twice I had to drop my plans in the middle and flee due to the sudden springing of this fucked-up ethical notion. One more goof up and I would be sitting in a special chair, letting the roasting electric current pass through my body. Can’t let that happen. So, first things first. Before I go on doing what I love to, I have got to sort myself out. But it’s difficult coz the voices enchanting these falsities have been there around me since birth, so much that it’s hard to know what’s genuine and what’s not. Like everyone else, this virus has been planted in me too, taking my decisions before I can use my brain. Like ‘don’t speak what you feel inside’, ‘take revenge on people who hurt you’, ‘better waste time delaying justice rather than kill them’, ‘Gods can kill; you can’t’. I have become a second-hander, a parasite feeding on the principles injected in me. It told me what truth is and what’s not, before I knew the meaning of truth. All my fucking life…
I always rejoiced killing prostitutes or hustlers but lately this notion, that killing is sinful, has penetrated my mind and has made me back-off twice at the last moment. For the record, I kill a certain species of hustlers, and my research is pretty impeccable. Nina is one of them. She is a renowned prostitute in the GB road, and she has got AIDS. No problems until she decided to misuse the enormous power she withheld. And this is where I come in, to paint her goddamn story in red. She is a sadomasochist just like many more prowling the road. She had a remorseful childhood, selling her body all the life to feed it. Sad and broken. But power changes people. And she is no exception; rather hungry to avenge the wrong done to her by the society. She is unleashing the virus and loving it. Funny, we both are victims of society, but different ways to deal with it.
8.11 pm. Sunday.
I am in the mall where Nina comes every night and picks her man. Or her prey. Tonight is the day for another hunt, although the prey will be different, and the predator too. The place is crowded. Good; less chances of getting recognized or remembered. She is roaming around the men near the ticket counter; ready to hook up, conspicuous in her pink top and blue short skirt; seems like it’s her birthday everyday. Needless to describe her face, she has make-up like a slut. I can’t approach her directly, she is not a lesbian (my research is immaculate). But one thing she won’t ignore is a fresh beautiful girl (a bit) ready for ‘recruitment’ and a handsome pay by her pimp. I am all dressed for the big kill, in my cheap salwar suit (almost ragged) and messy hair. Tonight’s the night for some acting. Time to go now.
I collide with her from back.
“Oye, can’t you watch yourself?” she says after a good stare. Decent reply from her, perhaps she believes what she sees.
“Extremely sorry didi, uh-I could not see you” I try to stammer.
“It’s ok. You are not hurt, are you?” She is polite.
“No, I am fine. Actually I should get out of here; I know nothing about this mall, first time for me here.”
“Oh! Do you live around here?” getting interested, good. I think she is on her path to hell.
I make a few guilty faces before replying, “Actually my father passed away few days back, I have got no place to live now.”
“Ok. That’s sad. What about your home?”
Show time for some fake tears (I am using a cheap balm). “They seized it. I don’t know what I will do now”
“Where are you staying nowadays?”
“At my uncle’s. But they are very bad. Always hitting and making me do work.”
“Oh poor girl, look you really seem to be nice, that’s why I can help you. I can see if I can get you some house. But you will have to wait. Can you hang around here for about an hour?”
She’s going for the dual pack; get a fuck-buddy and a fresh girl too. But that would mean one more blood on my hands. Can’t let that happen.
“No, I can’t. My uncle is very strict. If I’m late, I will get badly beaten.” Emotions, right?
She is in trouble. Please don’t leave me.
“Ok. Let’s go.”
Fucking awesome.
I get out with her in a cab. I am sure where she’s taking me. But I won’t let that happen. I offer her some of my special candies and she is out in a minute. The next part is bookwork, I tell the driver that she has fainted and has to be taken to some resting place. I take her to my rented room with his help and bid him adieu.
The rest, as they say, is history. I can’t tell how I murdered her; it’s my exclusive recipe, can’t share but I can share something else; that I felt on cloud nine when I put an end to her and her insane virus.

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